hm.

so i'm at homehome right now (chicago). overall, today wasn't that great. in fact, being at home hasn't overall been great. if anything, it's half n half. how horrible is THAT to say. geez.

yesterday (friday), i celebrated unofficial st. patty's day at the UofI with my friends (jay, ading nate, anna, marlyn and andrew). it was good times! but alas, we were 3 hours behind schedule when we left for chicago (5pm departure got pushed to 8:15). i was cool with it, but i didn't know that my sisters wanted me home earlier than that...i know they were plannin on goin out, but no one told me they wanted to go out EARLY (u guys really shoulda told me). but that's cool. so jay drives me n anna home (thanks jay!), and i arrive at about 10:45ish. then me, my sisters and claudine's boy, dan, head out to some bar to meet their co-workers. too bad they left the bar already. do i feel guilt? of course. so the pouty face comes on, n i start acting like a brat or something. i dunno. but i was unhappy...already anticipating they're disappointment b4 they actually say something. i dunno, i'm on crack or something. and FUCK man, they got WHITE CASTLE after. fricken WHITE CASTLE! =/ but don't woorie, i was strong...i only had a shake (hey, if i can drink it out of a straw, it count's as a liquid). but i had no chicky cheeses, or cheese burgers =(. but that's cool. i'm stronger than i thought :)

today: ah saturday. started out pretty good...downtown chicago's st. patty's day parade on tv when i woke up...and we had an appt to try on bridesmaid dresses at 1pm...side note: nessa came by today to get her rings :) HI HIJA! so that was nice seeing her, even tho i live with the girl...hehehe...anyways, trying on dresses was depressing as it was fun. i think my sister should crop me out of pictures...seriously. especially when i'm next to claudine. that just sucks. but at least i'm not the only busty woman in the family (thanks melanie :D). anyways, that was aight. man, i don't even wanna go through the rest of the day. i'm not implying that the rest of it was horrible, but the rest isn't really worth mentioning. well, claudine made pretty good paella.

what get's me through? to know that in 7 days, i'll be somewhere else, away from corn fields, by hills and valleys, getting a tan, partying with a different crowd all the way in the west coast. cali baby. without the fam.

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could it be u?
-really, wut do u want me to say? i kno u kno the answer w/out me saying it. i'm not gonna see you very often. and now it's too late. i don't mean to make u feel overly guilty, but that's the truth and deep inside u kno it too. i seriously just want u to be happy. but your just gonna have to be patient with me.
-don't woorie about me. u say u aren't, but of course, i think yur just sayin that. we already talked about this. we got each other's back. i don't like ppl pissin u guys off...at ALL.
-man i wish u weren't so busy so we could talk already! less than 5 minutes away from each other, and we can't talk...man, and when we WERE talkin, we are interupted. =/ . enough...
-i wish i was there...oh drunk freshies. oh the things i could say......
-i can't help but to try to make some sort of plan for my future not involving my career. and the way i'm goin, i'm not gonna reach my goal. crap. oh well.

aight...i'm out, gnite. better days to come.