2 years...

...13 hours, and about 10 minutes, give or take 5.

christine talked about her VP sharing a moment with her...well, when they first hired me again (for the last time), we also had a talk in her office. i think we were talking about how she wanted me to work a month or two sooner than i did (which was in like january-february), but my excuse was that i needed some down time before started working...more like i just didn't feel like doing much of anything after my mom died. then the VP started talking about her mom, how that even tho she died so long ago, she still thinks about her all the time. so of course, she starts tearing up, and i start tearing up, and we decide to go back to work.

it's hard. i'm sure everyone knows that much. some days are easier than the others...others, i just cry. most of the time, i try to choke back the tears, willing myself not to cry at an inappropriate moment...and it's come to the point where i don't want to be that drunk emotional girl either, because i've already done that about 3 times. i can no longer repress/suppress my emotions...which i used to be SOOO good at. i was like number one at it, after my stint as crybaby. but now...i know i can never be like that ever again.

that's why i play computer/video games, read books, watch selected tv/movies...most of the time, especially when playing games, i don't think about anything else but what i'm directing or beating up. when i have time to just sit and think, it'll happen. it'll creep up on me when i watch tv or a movie. it'll be a sentence in a book. and my eyes will sting while tears well up.

i know i'll never truly get over this. that's fine. it's something i've come to understand and accept. and there will be regrets of past and future, but it's nothing i can change, because she can't be there.

it sucks to be the youngest.

well, i hope that whoever is reading this appreciates and loves their mom. time is a precious thing...make the most of it.

she was, and maybe always will be, the greatest woman i'll ever know. love you mommy!


learning time!

one day, i wondered to myself: What is fire? seriously, what EXACTLY is fire? can you define it for me? we can easily define water. it's H2O. liquid. has mass, and is tangible. is fire tangible? we can feel it's heat, but we can't grasp it. what is it made of? and don't say fire! silly bastards. ;) remember what your teacher says: it's not a real definition if you put any form in the word your are defining into the definition.

SO! i decided to use the internet. i don't know if i found this article through jeeves or google, but what matters most is that i found it. i found a competent answer. so here you go. and some cool pics of fire in a vacuum. :D

Dear Cecil:

What exactly is fire? I know it's combustion of fuel, blah, blah . . . but what is it exactly? Is it purely energy? What state of matter is it? I suspect it's highly energetic gases, whose energy state is so high that they emit light, and thus we see flame, with the hotter flames being higher in electromagnetic energy. But I've never seen any source explaining exactly what fire is. Can it be ionized? Can it be affected by magnetism? Gravity? --Wenhsingyu

Cecil replies:

This letter shows why the world needs me. The explanations of fire in most standard reference works, not to put too fine a point on it, suck. The Encyclopaedia Britannica, for example, takes the following ineffectual stab: "rapid burning of combustible material with the evolution of heat and usually accompanied by flame." No wonder people have lost faith in science. Time to let a professional show how it's done. We'll start by reviewing the defects of the EB definition.

(1) Rapid burning. OK, fire burns rapidly. Slow combustion, also known as oxidation, includes such nonfiery processes as rusting and digestion. However, to say that fire involves burning is to embark on a circular definition: What is fire? When something burns. What is burning? When something is on fire. We need to address the matter in more basic terms.

(2) Combustible materials. Redundant. If a material is capable of rapid burning, by definition it's combustible. Also, "materials" is needlessly vague. One specific material, oxygen, is always involved.

(3) Evolution of heat. I don't know what this is supposed to mean either.

(4) Usually accompanied by flame. "Usually accompanied by" my arse. Flame is the quintessential pyrolytic phenomenon, not a mere by-product.

Now for a proper definition, devised by myself: "Fire is the rapid combination of oxygen with fuel in the presence of heat, typically characterized by flame, a body of incandescent gas that contains and sustains the reaction and emits light and heat." Let's go through this bit by bit:

(1) Rapid combination of oxygen with fuel in the presence of heat. Oxygen, fuel, and heat are the essential ingredients of fire.

(2) Typically characterized by flame. The pup qualifier "typically" allows me to sidestep the issue of apparently nonflaming fires, like you get with burning charcoal. I suspect charcoal fires do create flame--you just can't see it due to the lack of impurities or incompletely burned fuel in the plume. (You can't see a fuel fire at an Indy or CART race either, because the cars run on clean-burning methanol.) But that's a matter we can leave for another day.

(3) Body of incandescent gas. Flame defined. Most encyclopedia and dictionary definitions blow past this entirely, allowing persons such as yourself to imagine that fire is "pure energy" or similar nonsense. We say "body" because the gas has a characteristic structure and composition. We say "incandescent" because (a) it sounds scientific, (b) it means "luminous with intense heat," precisely what we are attempting to convey, and (c) if the Teeming Millions are going to learn one vocabulary word today, by God "incandescent" should be it.

(4) Contains and sustains the reaction. Flame isn't just the result of fire; it is the fire. What's more, without the flame's heat the fire would go out.

(5) Emits light and heat. Duh. However, we mustn't overlook the obvious.

Now to your other questions:

-Is fire purely energy? Clearly not. The dancing flames are glowing gas--your suspicions confirmed.
-Can fire be ionized? Is it affected by magnetism? Not so's you'd notice. You're thinking of plasma, which is ionized (and thus electromagnetically reactive) gas, often described as the fourth state of matter. You see it in welding arcs, lightning bolts, and the sun. Ordinary fire isn't plasma.
-Is fire affected by gravity? Of course--gas has mass. Flame is shaped by convection, a function of gravity (hot air rises). In low- or zero-G environments, fire looks way different: a candle flame on the space shuttle isn't yellow and tapered but blue and nearly spherical.
So there you have it. One step closer to a better world.


so there it is! fire revealed! how awesome was that? i was enlightened. hahaha. thank you to nasa and most importantly to cecil adams, whoever and wherever you are! :D



hello! sorry haven't written in so long. i've been...busy? hahahaha. i kinda don't wanna write so much about myself anymore...but that can change at anytime. lately, i've been playing my #1 favorite computer game, sims 2. i LOVE it. so much that i made a website for the neighborhood i created. it's a neighborhood consisting of my college friends. it makes me laugh :)

also, i wanted to write and say that i will now be doing word verifications for my comments. i do not appreciate spam on my site. fackers. but i've deleted them. muwahahaha.

so yeah, i've been doing the same. slipping in some aspects, gaining in others. always a balance, right?

i promised i'd talk about houston. so here is what i wrote a long time ago:
texas was AWESOME! twas a great experience. it was my very first time ever in the lonestar state! and lemme tell you, i was highly amused by alot of stuff. but then again, i'm easily amused hehehehe. so anyhoo, of course, my first impression of houston was of heat so disgusting that i wanted to peel my skin off. i mean, it was some damn serious heat. but it wasn't really the heat that was doing it...it was the humidity. lucky us! melanie and i arrived just in time for some rainy weather.
{what i remember most}
-the left turn double red lights
-maddy (sp?)
-drinking beer with tom ...i owe him like 15 bottles
-slave labor
-giving Kristine a chicago accent
-making cards
-getting back into sims 2
-getting a new pair of sunglasses. for free!

overall, i had an AWESOME time in houston. i'm glad it wasn't hit so hard by the hurricanes. love my family there! i'm sorry i couldn't remember more of what happened there, cuz i know i left ALOT out, but just know that i had a real great time there :D. definitely have to go there again.

and of course, i'd like to close with my new favorite song, I'm Feeling You - Santana featuring Michelle Branch
Sometimes I imagine the world without you
but most time I'm just so happy that I ever found you
its a complicated web
that you weave inside my head
so much pleasure with such pain
hope we always always stay the same

I'm feeling the way you cross my mind
and you save me in the knick of time
I'm riding the highs I'm digging the lows
cuz at least I feel alive
I never faced so many emotional days
but my life is good I'm feeling you
I'm feeling you

you go and then I can finally breath in
cuz baby I know in the end you're never leaving
well we rarely ever sane
I drive you crazy and you do the same
but your fire fills my soul
and it warms me up like no one knows

I'm feeling the way you cross my mind
and you save me in the knick of time
I'm riding the highs I'm digging the lows
cuz at least I feel alive
I never faced so many emotional days
but my life is good I'm feeling you
I'm feeling you

Oh I'm feeling the way you cross my mind
and you save me in the knick of time
I'm riding the highs I'm digging the lows
cuz at least I feel alive
I never faced so many emotional days
but my life is good I'm feeling you
I'm feeling you