yeah, just a smile. not a big ass smile, but it's a smile, right? so i'm ok for the most part. well, lately, i've been having the urge to just sing. dunno why, but i guess it's been a while since i really have.

do u sing in the shower? cuz normally i don't...cuz i know i can be heard. i'm usually quiet and just think to myself...but when i know i'm the only one in the house, i'll belt out a couple tunes. but i have to remind myself to, cuz then i forget. but anyhoo, i've had musicals on my mind. maybe it's cuz spring is comin around...i dunno, but it feels kinda good.

that, and tomorrow, i'm goin out for the annual march babies bash. yes. i'm not really that excited about the alcohol (tho i admit it IS a perk)...it's just that i haven't seen my friends in about a month. i think. so i'm kinda excited :D.

and today was kewl. me n claudine had sister day (not sisters day, cuz the 's' would imply that christine was there too, but alas she wasn't). she gets to vent, i listen and remark on what she talks about, and we do laundry and try to clean her endlessly clogged bedroom. tho it is clearing up pretty nicely. then tomorrow, she does her bridal thang, then heads on over to her fiance's. oOoOoOo...it's weird saying that. but what ISN'T weird is calling dan brother, so she should be happy about that ;).

so i've been in a better mood! :) but of course, that prolly won't last long. there are ...things... looming in the horizon. i'm aware of these things, but i choose not to worry about them now. it really doesn't do me any good. i'll deal with it when it's actually on my plate, and not waiting to be served. i know that i need to keep calm and sane, if not for my sake, but for the sake of others as well. goodness knows what'll happen if i break. so i've learned to just go with the flow...i can't change what has happened in the past, and whatever is in the future, is, well, in the future. i want to live in the present. that's what i need right now.

of course, there are exceptions to my master plan. there are some things that i have planned, and there are some things that i want to plan. for instance, a trip to chambana and houston, and a job that i want. yes, i actually do want a job. but i won't talk about that here. as for the past, i know i shouldn't fret over it...over what i could've/should've/would've done, over how stupid i/she/he/they/we were, over how it shouldn't have happened...just learn from it and attempt to move on. as for the present, do what you can when u think you should and go forward. everyone can't get whatever they want...and those that do probably shouldn't. eh. so is life.

all in all, i just don't want to give myself an ulcer. not to toot my own horn, but i've been pretty strong as of late, and i intend on staying strong. i'll break when i need to, but i don't want to right now. does that make sense? i haven't really been holding things in...i take them in, assess the damage, then let them go until it is time to deal with them.

sometimes, i wonder if maybe i AM coldhearted...but i know that's not true. if you're reading this, you're prolly thinking, 'gurl! you're just suppressing.' well, that may be true, but eh. whatever keeps me sane, yah?

so for now, i'm good :). musical even.

man, i wanna see wicked. and les mis. and phantom in the movie theaters. let's pray it happens. :D



update 01.030405

ahhhhhhhhhhhh...so u know i've been moving stuff around the house...well, i'm pretty much settled in my "new" room, which used to be my parents room. a lil creepy? mmmm...kinda. but once i get my stars up, it'll provide some comforting soft lights. i don't use night lights...unlike my sisters...hahahaha. i think nite lites too bright...creating many many unwanted shadows. eek. so i usually sleep in the dark, or with those glow n the dark stars up. they glow long enough for me to be comfortably asleep. i dunno wut it is about my house, but i always need some kind of light when i'm goin off to lala land...cuz when i was in my apartments in urbana, i didn't have a nite lite or stars. i liked it dark. i dunno. i'm weird like that ;). anyhoo...all i have left to do is sort my stuff in their appropriate places and gather all my stuff that's scattered at the four corners of my house. i guess it's good that i don't have as much stuff as the other two *ahem*.

well, this is it for now...but if your interested or bored and wanna look at pictures of when me n my friends went out, check out sharon's page. and just remember, i was drunk in like 95-99% of those pictures. i swear, i'm not an alcoholic. but a sure fire way of getting me or any of my friends drunk is to point us to an 2hr+ open bar. they're evil. but oh so good ;). again, we're not alcoholics. ;D

that's all i got. so hug a person u know and have a great day!